Jamesy

Inspired by another member, im making my own short term goals to improve and make sure I don’t forget to enjoy the time I have hear on earth…

1. Eat only raw veggies and fruits for snacks. (where I work everybody seems to be snacking all the time and it just makes it that much harder to stop eating those preztels, chocolate, etc.)

2. Spend 5 hours a week working in the yard.

3. Read or write for at least an hour a night before bed. ( I have been developing a book series and I have the plot finish I just have to start the leg work of writing out the chapters and timelines, it’s really exciting, ive just been putting it off for too long)

4. Stop buying coffee. ( I know this might seem ridiculous, but I have a severe addition, and I have been spending almost $50/week on Dunkin Donuts Iced Coffee)

5. Join the gym and go at least three days a week.

6. Go out and party atleast 1 night a week. ( I have become such a hermit)

7. Motivate and inspire my co-workers, friends and family.

8. Plant some flowers.

9. Plan a vacation. (Even if it’s for a year from now)

10. Be more open to others and the possibities for love. (Cheezy, I know. But even an overweight, sci-fi loving, awkward, science geek wants alittle something something every now and then)  

Long and rough and exhausting. That is the only way to describe this week, and I still have fri. and sat. to go. I have been overworked, underpaid, underslept (my insomnia is reappearing), overemotional, undersupported and I am just plan over/under it.

I know next week will be better and I keep telling myself that, but now I look to the right and see the leftovers of my second helping and begin to wonder whether I am strong enough to withstand my life’s current state of constant change and unpredictability.

Well, I suppose I should start at the begining.

I have been over weight sence my tween years, 13-15. I developed early and between that and an especially unusual family life I compensated for my anxieties with overeating. I have a genetic anxiety disorder that effects almost everyone in my family, we all have different ways of couping with it; prescription pills, alcohol, drugs, sex, obsessive behavior, and/or overeating.

Seeing that I am predisposed to addiction I have opted to try and overcome my disorder threw a strict and healthy life style. ( Coffee is the only real indulgence I have no power over:) And although I can stray from time to time I have recently come to terms with the fact that this will be an ongoing struggle for the rest of my life.

I have thus far lost almost 50 lbs and reduced the reaccurance of panic attacks to fewer then one per month. But, I have hit a plateau. Due to recent family tragedy I find myself reverting to old habits.

I have come here to find a new way to channel my thoughts outward, rather then letting them rattle around in my head and shoving them down my throat.